Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
