how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
