Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
