I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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