I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
