My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
