I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
