Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
