masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
