Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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