end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
So. Much. Porn.
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