Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
