3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
