just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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