It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
