We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Houston, we have a blender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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