wanna go halves on a baby?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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