If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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