his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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