3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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