I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
