I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
