I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
