erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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