whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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