They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If I die, sorry about rent.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
