Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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