Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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