Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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