Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
