Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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