did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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