I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
