take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize