just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
