I wish I could teleport
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
