So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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