I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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