: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
