You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
