it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
