i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
