Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize