my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
