Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
