this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
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She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I didn't notice because vodka
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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