god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
