At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
