I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
