It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
