just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
