He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
