1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
