Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My vagina is officially offended.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
