Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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