drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
