my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
