my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
