if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
