I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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