He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
