arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
