This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
