We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
