I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
