I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
