All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
