The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
