and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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