after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
