i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
