...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
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My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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