I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
