Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
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omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize