My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
